Love and Happiness

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Deep Thoughts, Family and Friends, Happiness
Tags: , , , , ,

Love is a grand thing, but you have to constantly be  aware that it can bring both great happiness and great sadness.   There is nothing better than love and happiness and there is nothing worse than love and misery.   Love intensifies all associated emotions.  Love and happiness are a key part of a full life for me.

Love and happiness comes from satisfaction and acceptance of the person you love.  If you are lucky enough to meet the person who you hope never changes, then never, never, never take that for granted, because it is rare.  People are human, they have blemishes, they are not perfect.  Most successful, loving, happy couples have multiple things they wish was different about the other person, but they realize that love and all of the other good things the person brings to the relationship outweigh the things they would like to have changed.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell the person when something bugs you.  By all means give them the chance to make you even happier.  If they love you they will try, but if they don’t succeed give them credit for trying.

I’ve always wondered how people can walk away from love, but it really is no great mystery.  People, even though they are in love, will walk away if they are unhappy, miserable, completely dissatisfied, or frustrated and beyond any hope of relief.  Yes you can love someone you are completely dissatisfied with.  You can even be happy with someone you are not fully satisfied with.  You can want someone to change something about themselves or their situation, and yet be in love and happy with them.  After all no one is perfect and  there is a lot of love and happiness in the world.  What brings about the unhappiness?  I think it is when there is something you don’t simply “want to change” about a person or their situation, you absolutely “need it to change”.  Whether you have known the person for months or decades if there is something you can no longer live with, something that “needs to change” then the chances for love and happiness are pretty slim.  When that happens you’ll be unhappy and your attempts to change the other person will make them unhappy too. 

What is the best way out of love and misery?  How did you get into this situation anyway.  Did physical attraction, romance, or just pure lust affect your judgement?  Did they hide things from you, or change after you fell in love with them?  Think about how you got to this point.  If there is a way for them to make a difference then, definitely let the other person know about the things you need to change.  If there is no way for them to change, or if they have tried  and failed too many times, then it is time to either accept them as they are or move on.  If you can sincerely accept them and can lower the “need to change” to at least a “want to change”, or if they can show progress that you can trust, then there is hope.  If you cannot sincerely accept the person as they are, and you don’t trust them to change, then move on.  I’m not saying that it will be easy.  Whether you’ve been together for months, or years saying goodbye to a person you love is difficult to impossible for most people.   But you can’t live a full life when you are feeling love and misery.

What is the best path to love and happiness.  Quit trying to change the person you are unhappily in love with, move on, and fall in love with a person who you hope never changes.  Before you look for that “person you hope never changes”, give yourself time to heal, time to get past missing a person you loved regardless of how unhappy you were.  Do this, if for no other reason, so you don’t just rush into a relationship with a person whose main appeal is that they are different in that one area you needed to change.  Really think about what things you need in the other person.  Once you have that list, throw in a prioritized list of things you would like to have.  Then filter the people you go on dates with, be picky about who you see more than once or twice, and be sure there is nothing you need the other person to change before you fall in love.

Life is short, people make mistakes, people change.  Don’t discard a perfectly good person for something small or superficial, but if there is something substantial like financial irresponsibility, infidelity, abuse, or abandonment, then don’t accept it, those kinds of things  “need to change”.  Don’t give up, just work smarter.  Be the best person you can be.  Be worthy of the kind of person you want.  Know what you want before you ever start looking.  Then make it happen, enjoy it, embrace it, and never take it for granted.

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